The public are warned to keep away from this mischief-maker. If spotted, run and hide somewhere on the other side of running water. Wait, that relates to vampires. Anyway, make sure it’s deep water. Quite deep water. I suppose he would swim if forced to. The miscreant has left a swathe of victims in his wake, some so traumatised that they’ve been forced to watch repeats of Twin Peaks. Yes, that’s how bad things are. Personally I have great affection for this gem, being a David Lynch fan how can I not?
He’s an entity filled with mysterious powers, capable of causing time and space to warp, black holes to appear, and facial hair to sprout instantaneously. His wicked wiles will enchant and lead you down subversive paths. Beware, beware! Once glimpsed he can never be forgotten, never shaken off. Don’t drink from the chalice offered by this fiendish, furry, and feisty fellow. Remember the warning about not drinking and eating anything whilst in the domain of the Faerie folk? It applies in this case as well. Not sure how that works but his lawyers somehow managed to work that into our contract.
Our contract? Hm, forgot to mention that. I didn’t sign it in blood exactly. Can’t stand the sight of blood, even my own. Not sure what happened. One day I was walking down the road with His Nibs (Anubis to you) and then I found myself down a rabbit hole. There appeared to be a tea party going on and I was chief guest. Strange, I never got an invitation. His Nibs just smiled mysteriously. Not a good sign when he does that. As for that dang contract, there were no body fluids involved. Sounds rather, disgusting but there you are. Apparently the red liquid was pomegranate juice. Uh, oh I hear some of you mutter. You are right to express concern considering the symbolism of this fruit. Didn’t Hades give Persephone pomegranate seeds to eat during her imprisonment in his domain? Enough said.