Fall from Grace: Diary of a Previously Unemployed Knife Thrower


Image: Eve, John Collier, Wikiart

Saturday 5 August 2017

The look on Eve’s face is telling, or is that the artist projecting his own notions of shame against the Mother of all? Let’s face it, She was set up. There was a power struggle going on, the male priesthood and establishment need a scapegoat and she fitted the bill. Compared to the divine ancestor my situation is a mere gnat bite on the body of humanity. Okay, a slip of the hand and my assistant, the little anaemic sop… Let me correct that, he was anaemic by the time they took him into the ambulance. Accidents happen at work, why on earth they had to involve the Health & Safety people I don’t know. It’s an occupational hazard for anyone involved in the business. To be fair his threat of a lawsuit forced their hand.

Talking of accidents, that no-good, con artist of an agent got her comeuppance today. The zombies she was representing finally had enough of being ripped off and demanded a pound of flesh. In fact they got several pounds of the stuff, the police had a problem identifying her. Justice has been served with a bottle of Rioja!

Sunday 6 August 2017

Still can’t get that image of Eve out of my head. When I knew her She was like a star of the brightest light. Why did it go wrong? Humanity wasn’t meant to be mired in darkness and ignorance. As for the lie about using one of Adam’s ribs to create a companion, well, it leaves you a little speechless. Does that mean that if she was injured or happened to become existentially challenged. Wait, what do I mean? Anyway, if she died, would he die as well? To be honest the heart of humanity suffered great a grievous wound when they wrote the various Books. Bad PR folks, look what they did to Lilith and Mary Magdalene. Shame, shame and shame. I’m ashamed to be a man. To be honest the women are just as bad, maybe even worse. Makes you wonder what kind of deity/Higher Being/Cosmic Conscious they believe in. I’m Freud would have plenty to say about that, he wouldn’t have minced his words. He was a straight talking guy when I knew him.

I’ve been six months in this temp job now, the people are just as dysfunctional as I am. Fit right in. Hard though being cheerful, not in my nature to be a ray of sunshine. It’s been a challenge keeping my tongue quiet, been sorely tempted at times to tell some of those people what I really think of them. Humans can be so, needy and malicious. At least your average chthonian or solar deity would display such negative traits with a bit more style and aplomb. Persephone warned me about cutting back on the bitchiness. Do I listen to her? Not always alas. I miss Eve and Lilith.


Image: Lilith with a Snake, John Collier, Wikiart

Monday 7 August 2017

These thoughts about our lost Paradise are making me maudlin. Well, Paradise hasn’t been lost exactly. It’s just that humanity is on an attachment this material plane of manifestation for a while and will return to HQ when it’s been completed. Although I don’t think humanity quite understands the work that’s involved in working from the Divine Blueprint. That doesn’t apply to all the work experience people though, many actually get the concept of Free Will. I’m making it sound like a huge corporate nightmare, perish the thought! It’s more like a centre of learning/temple without walls or boundaries. That’s the best I can do. That reality is hard to describe, even though I’ve visited many times. The supervisors are numerous and often hard task masters, or that’s how it appears to human perception. I think humans know them as angels, archangels, etc. Just realised, I keep referring to ‘humans’. I’m, no, I used to be human. Not sure what I am now, not undead, not either living or even dead. It’s a strange existence, I straddle several worlds. Makes your thighs ache like mad! Heh, heh. I thought it was funny.

Tuesday 8 August 2017

Angels. Now that’s a subject I could go on about for hours but won’t in deference to them. They’ve been viewed variously as benevolent and sinister. Depends on which side of the divide you stand, the Abyss can be a nasty place to fall into. I’ve peered in and it isn’t somewhere you take the family for a night out. The ones known as the Fallen have been viewed with fear and more. There’s been so much misinformation bandied about them, some of it deliberate. The great ‘War in Heaven’…What was that about? Did we ever stop to think what was really going on there? Nothing, nothing, ever happens just by chance. Humanity has a destiny to fulfil but has managed to get side-tracked many times, not easy I suppose maintaining a balance between their twin natures. Hard having the both in one body can be problematic. Sandalphon ensures I get to hear all the latest news. We have a chat when it’s quiet and when I can bother to get out of ‘grumpy immortal git’ mode. I should open up to them a bit more but it’s centuries of conditioning I need to discard before reaching the inner, sensitive man.

Wednesday 9 August 2017

I’ve been getting to the urge to slap one of the team across the face with rotting fish. Swear I saw his eyes turn black momentarily and an aroma of sulphur follow him out of the room. He’s a wiry individual with a spiteful streak. He reminds me of one of the demons I came across when wandering the wasteland many years ago. Now that was the perfect place for some of the not so friendly Fallen. Gross material matter has a tendency to change things in unexpected ways. No laughing matter, I’ve seen the effects on so many that came through the planes of manifestation we know of, also the innumerable ones we don’t. Humans need to keep their boundaries more secure, by that I mean not allow any ‘walk ins’ to get a foothold. They allow fear to cause breaches in their protective shells, letting in things that are quite nasty.

Thursday 10 August 2017

This diary’s beginning to go places I don’t want to. Probably because of the hovel I’m currently inhabiting. The landlady advertised it as a ‘jewel of an apartment in a desirable central location’. It’s next to a recycling plant and built over a doorway into the infernal regions. Sounds funny written down but I’m not laughing. Even the cockroaches and silverfish had thrown in the towel and left en masse. They begged me to leave with them but I couldn’t afford anything better. Anyway, they left me a phone number of a good estate agent (think I just saw a pig fly past my window) just in case I changed my mind.

The landlady gives me the creeps and I spent several decades as assistant to a Necromancer in Tartarus. They were the worst years of employment imaginable. Something about her makes my skin crawl, although the plastic surgery has rectified that issue. I don’t look a day older than 670. My skin looks luminous (that might be the accidental exposure to radiation) and you can bounce a rubber ball off my toned posterior. Where was I? Yessssssssssss, my landlady. I’m not sure what else she does apart from instil a terrible feeling of dread in the soul. She’s never around during the day and as soon as twilight approaches her door creaks open to reveal…I can’t even write what she looks like because I can’t remember. Strange that. I have a theory about what she could be but uttering it aloud and even writing it down could cause a terrible tear in the fabric of the Universe. Sandalphon and even Mikael dropped hints about her true nature but I was rather preoccupied with other matters.

Friday 11 August 2017

I managed to corner Sandalphon and Mikael this morning. They were a little reticent about the matter. I think they were trying to be polite, kind even about my lack of awareness. They don’t view reality as humans do, and human emotions are quite alien to their kind but many have chosen to work with humanity. In order to help them achieve wholeness and evolve; to become divine beings once again and bring back knowledge of the material world to the Source and angelic hierarchy. Anyway, I digress. I was quite shocked at their revelation. Bad luck seems to follow me round like a hungry dog.

The house is built over part of the Abyss and the landlady is a ruler over one of its levels. I’m cursed, that’s the only explanation. Mikael gently commented that I was quite right about the curse. Coming from this archangel it is doubly wounding. Well, at least he’s on my side. I’ve upset many in my long and illustrious career, so it could be anyone. Mikael waited patiently for me to run through the suspects. Four hours and 42 cups of coffee later I remembered who it was, who cursed me that is. The ancient Egyptian serpent Apep. I recall trapping his tail in one of the gates in the Underworld. I wasn’t meant to be there at the time but wandered in through the wrong doorway. Set was about to spear Apep when I interrupted them. Well, you can imagine their annoyance. My brief sojourn in the Underworld didn’t go well. That Apep has one foul mouth on him! I need to get a hobby. Roll on the weekend…

Hope and Prayers

Image: Pixabay

The man hangs his head in weariness, sorrow floods a heart sore and beleaguered. Night after night prayers are sent to unseen powers; the hope being that these petitions will reach the ears of benevolent beings. In a world beset by hardship and bleakness, the prospect of hope, and of better times is all that sustains his soul.

His belly rumbles, complaining due to lack of food. The season of wild Summer berries is past as winter draws near. Much has been sacrificed in this wilderness, the tribe now lost to the passage of time. How many centuries have passed? Too many to count. The loneliness bears heavy on shoulders. Immortality comes with heavy penalties.

The Healer, for that is his soul’s mission, reflects on all that has passed in his long life. The gifts bestowed upon him have helped many but ultimately proved futile in healing the deep wound within him. Or so he believes. The very unseen powers he has focussed his attention on have diligently listened to each and every syllable. His guardian angel has stood watch over his seemingly frail body daily, willing their charge to keep hope and trust alive. An apparently difficult task even in the best of times, but now, beyond comprehension. Self-sacrifice has beset the Healer like an incurable disease, a trap healers are often prone to fall into.

The angel makes their presence known to their ward through a sense of great peace. The Healer wakens from their despair with surprise. Self-doubt and lack of faith have hindered communication between the two for some time. Yet, that hasn’t stopped the great love they have for each other. There are many in other realms that watch over humanity, protecting and guiding. They are ever present, watching our suffering and joys, unable to assist without our consent. He sighs, lamenting his lack of action.

“All you have to do is ask for help, I have always been around you” the angel gently states.

“I know but I have felt unworthy, trapped in inertia, perhaps fearful of making changes” answers the anguished man.

The great being enfolds the man in light and sound, “wings” if you please. The intensity of love and comfort provides a healing balm to a soul that has been lost for so long. The brightest of light can be found buried within seemingly unrelenting darkness, as well as hope. The man feels his spirit strengthen, resilience returns once more. It is something of steel forged in the hottest of fires. Even shattered steel can be melted down and formed into a thing of beauty and power. “Remember this” the angel comments.



Immortality: The Alchemist’s Daughter Recollects


Image: Pixabay

Achieving immortality has been an enduring goal for legion upon legion of humans over the centuries. Tomes have been written hinting at the existence of wondrous elixirs and arcane rituals giving/offering the chance of eternal life and youth. To what end we may speculate, perhaps to abate our fear of dying, perhaps to prolong our contemplation of matters philosophical and metaphysical. Ultimately the real reason may only be known to the individual engaged in such a pursuit. Immortality is a fable retold century after century, our passion for it undiminished, our longing unquenched. We are born, live and die, a simplistic viewpoint of our existence on this material plane. Yet, there is so much that lies before us. At what point do we lose our sense of wonder about the Universe and our place in it? Continue reading



photo credit: BellaGaia BARE HONESTY via photopin (license)

Roshanak is her name, meaning in Persian one who is a luminous beauty, a shining star or light. Fitting in all ways, do not be deceived by her outer garb, that would be foolish and ultimately defeating. Serene and bearing knowledge of things found only off the beaten path. She assesses and keeps her counsel, for we are not privy to such secrets. Master of the hidden aspects of this life, Master of the keys to fulfilment and oblivion. The choice is yours. Harsh as that may sound it is all that is open to us, or so she likes to tell. Silence is her domain but only if you desire it so. She waits for you to ask, seek, and search. She is a smokescreen the unseen throws in your path. Fear her not, she is not what she appears to be.

 The space around the enigma is, seemingly empty, yet pregnant with meaning. We seek such guides and teachers, hoping for clarity, yearning for self – knowledge. Roshanak emerges at the moment of transformation, offering choices not easy to accept. Continue reading

Rite of Passage: Running with the Storm


Image: Pixabay

The Elders stand in a semi-circle within the sanctuary. The High Priestess and Shaman stand on either side of the portal and the Summoner in front of it. A storm is brewing in the north, for it is the sky gods who prepare the trials to come for the young initiate warrior. The air is charged with a ferocious energy, it makes the skin tingle with electricity and the heart race with anticipation. The great forest shivers, knowing what is to come. The drums beat out a rhythm that is hypnotic and ancient, the melody of which has come down from the ancestors beyond the stars. It sings of knowledge that is beyond reach of mortals in their unprepared state. ‘Seek, Search’ it chants. Who shall heed this message? Lightning illuminates the gathering for an instance, striking the torch above the portal. It leaps into life as the salamanders gather in their hundreds. Continue reading

Lux Anglicae – Mystery #writephoto


Image: Sue Vincent

Here is my offering for Sue’s Thursday Photo Prompt Mystery #writephoto. The Muses of creativity have been sparing with their favours lately, a fact that has frustrated and puzzled this blogger. Until now. I shall reserve judgment, no need to attract hubris you understand. What says the Alchemist?

These are the Dragons and Serpents which the ancient Egyptians painted in a circle, the head devouring the tail; thereby signifying that they proceeded from one and the same thing, and that it alone was sufficient, and that in its revolving and circulation, it made itself perfect.

Nicholas Flamel

A figure waits within the recesses of this place, harbinger of things hidden and awe-ful in their intensity. Many have searched for the enigma but He has always proved elusive. Lightbearer veiled in Mystery. Abiding in both the Crown and the Kingdom. From spirit do we pass through the Gate of Tears, ushered into life and forgetfulness. The Lightening Flash has all but shattered the Self, the quickening comes without mercy. The Fallen have not entered into Darkness but into Life, not many understand this. The Seeker consults their map, vellum inscribed with strange sigils and sheer incomprehensibility. They shift and pulse as if living beings, reflections of the greater macrocosmos:

 Man know thyself, and you shalt know the Gods

The Delphic Oracle surely hints at things most profound waiting rediscovery. Yet, the oddness of such words being emblazoned across the lintel of this doorway. The Seeker lifts one foot as if to enter through the portal. Hesitation has no part in this adventure, ‘go forth’ an inner voice urges. A cavernous temple of velvet darkness and luminous light unfurls itself like the wings of angels. Smoke edged with tendrils of white gold. At its heart lies something immense and perfection itself.

He waits, eyes closed in deep reflection. A breastplate of platinum pulses in rhythm, like a heartbeat it announces the presence of something living. There is no other sound except this. The great being fills the temple space. Clothed in radiant white stands he, from a muscular neck hangs the symbol of his power, a silver Tau cross encircled by the beast of wisdom – the serpent. Ageless and beautiful he has always been and always shall be. Lux Anglicae pierces the darkness of matter. Matter is transfigured, humanity is restored, the Fall is ended. This is the Mystery you have been seeking.

Enki’s Gate #writephoto


Photo: Sue Vincent

Sue’s photo prompt this week, Gate #writephoto, had me in a quandry. What could I write in response? Here was a gate, perhaps leading to a whole different universe. Might I deign to keep my feet firmly in this world rather than scurry off exploring strange vistas? Decisions, decisions. This was difficult; the waters of creation were drying up. Aha! A ‘light-bulb’ moment suddenly occurs. Water, creation, depths, subconscious. Dear reader, it appears the gods have thrown me a tablet with instructions for weaving this tale. On closer inspection it looks like the Sumerian equivalent of a text, don’t like text speak. I can’t read ancient languages but due to the generous assistance of a certain Sumerian deity, Enki no less, I can reveal its contents:

Mting the reliees, wnt to cme? Oh, brng a dvng suit. LOL.

Meeting the relatives? An honour and quite a terrifying prospect. The terrifying part relates to the primordial parents Abzu and Tiamat, god of the sweet waters and goddess of the salt waters respectively. They’re joined by Mummu, god of the mist who arises from both entities. Thus is the primeval triad completed. Enki is the Sumerian god of wisdom and water, one of four creation gods. He is known as Ea to the Akkadians. Magic, spell casting, knowledge of the arts and civilizations are amongst his other talents. His sacred centre was based in Eridu, considered first of cities in existence before the great flood. E-abzu (House of the Abzu) was his temple, also known as E-engur-ra (House of the subterranean water). Such a weighty history behind them all!. To dip into the primordial waters would be an unforgettable and transformative experience. Also a little dangerous I have to add. Is it worth the risk? I scry the waters of my own inner being for advice and portents. Follow closely dear reader lest you become lost in the watery abyss…

The Gate opens. I stand silent before the portal. Darkness is obscuring my vision, there appears to be a nothingness on the other side of the Gate. Much like the Fool of the tarot I step forward to leap into the unknown. No sense in hesitating on this occasion. The darkness clears to reveal water, everywhere. This is no ordinary body of water. It utters words so ancient that a language hasn’t been invented yet to decipher the meaning. Understanding of its being comes through signs and not-yet-speech. Humans later spoke of this realm as one of the Great Nothingness. Much like the realm of the First Mound to the ancient Khemetic culture. Memory is shared by all and lost by none. Signs and portents are passed from generation to generation, stretching into eternity. We can neither glimpse its beginning nor its end. Much like my experience in this ocean. Infinity above and infinity below. I can sense another presence, She moves as if in a dream. Appearing insubstantial but very much present and alive. The great She-Dragon glides and scrutinises. This is her world, where being and non-being co-exist. Where dreams gestate and histories are woven. I glimpse others in these waters. Geometric shapes of sublime beauty. Anunnaki, angels, otherworld beings. Call them what you will. They watch, they witness, they create.

Nearer and nearer does the She-Dragon move. She encircles, gazes and encircles further. Does she instil fear? Yes and No. I’m only human and cannot help being overawed. Abzu whispers and Tiamat responds. I float in this matrix of life, reshaped and reshaped further. Enki smiles and I respond, brng a dvng suit. LOL? His hands cradle and lift, higher and higher we ascend. Abzu below, Mummu above. Emptiness in all directions. It feels so old, so old. Mummu shrouds all sight and then reveals, endless waters and horizons. One of the Three are they, one part of the puzzle are they. Concealing and revealing in equal parts. Arising from the Two to become something else. From the stars they came, bringing the gift of life and knowledge. Such things we were not privy to, beings not yet even existing. Beings not even ready. I ask Enki, ready for what? He looks and shakes his head, not yet, not yet but soon. How cryptic! I feel a pull into a time before the primordial triad. So silent, so dark. No fear but dreaming and sleeping deep within the womb. Fire and Light illuminate the virgin darkness. Sound shatters silence. The One is split asunder and becomes the Three. I am without speech, words cannot make sense of such a sight. The Three wait and watch. I return to the sweet waters and finally glimpse the She-Dragon. Abzu whispers and Tiamat responds. She gazes and encircles. Scaled behemoth, mother of all. I float in this ancient ocean, reshaped and reshaped further. Witness to the Nothingness, witness to Non-Being shaped into Being. My breath issues forth in a sigh and He says, not yet, not yet but soon. How cryptic.

Time to return and he escorts me to the Gate, Enki’s Gate. I gaze at him and smile, he responds. Enough for now. I step through the portal and into a thunderstorm. It cleanses and releases all attachment to the Primordial Beings. For they and I are not meant to exist in the same space, same time. So beware of bringing back things which are not meant to be in the here and now dear reader. Close the Gate, firmly.

Just Testing


Just testing I said to him. A visitation to a warrior angel was necessary due to strange disappearances into the ether. Didn’t manage to contact Raphael but he did leave a message on his answerphone to contact Mikael in the event of his unavailability. I have been pushed to the limit by the nefarious influence of a certain Mr Rabbit. May his name never be uttered in my presence. It seems I’m ignoring the signs and not living the way of the Way. Or thereabouts. The Dao is ungraspable and unseen. Only present in breath and heart when Heaven and Earth meet. Wow, that was almost incomprehensible. Not quite there though. Mikael just gazes at me in silence. As if he can’t believe his ears. I tend to leave people, er, archangels speechless now and again.

Recent posts on my blog have been vanishing into thin air. Was this a sign I asked the divine warrior that negative influences were at work. He thought about this, then got up and consulted an old manuscript. Seemed to be staring at one section for a while. This worried me. Mikael turned round and muttered “have you checked your internet connection?”.

I looked at him and nodded my head. Meant to say I had but didn’t want to appear silly in front of the archangel. He advised me to send through a test piece, if nothing happened wait for Raphael’s return. Felt like sobbing but what else could I do. He handed me a tissue whilst the whole sorry story rumbled out. Mikael agreed that the Hare had plans for me. Those he couldn’t divulge as this would alter time and history. Sleep on it he said and come back this weekend. I nodded and dragged my feet across the floor, feeling pathetic. Sigh.